Countdowns

One of my favorite things are countdowns.

Countdowns:::

Birthday: 15 days

Boyfriend in town: 18 days

Birthday dinner: 19 days

Arizona: 21 days

Christmas: 28 days

Agape

This week is Thanksgiving

This time last year I had gotten in a fist fight with my mom, the police were called and I moved out for a couple days. I had come back home, still been angry, still hurting, and didn't have much I thought I was thankful for.

A lot has changed in a year.

I have finally overcome, moved on, forgiven, trusted, and accepted. Not only did I finish community college on the deans list and started at a university, but I also became a cheerleader and made friends. On top of getting a car, having real friends, good grades, and my life back to normal; I've started to understand what real agape love is.

I am still learning, still figuring things out, still trying but, I have hope.

I am thankful for so much. Most importantly for God making me who I am today and loving me through everything I have been through. I am nothing without him and will be nothing without him.

My challenge to you: As thanksgiving rolls around and everyone sits at the table saying what they are thankful for, think of what you are most thankful for not just getting a video game or having time off school, but what you're really thankful for and appreciate of.

inspirational

Some things I have been thinking about:
Your past doesn't define you.

You don't deserve to be hurt or hurt yourself again and again. God loves you. truly.
Just because you don't get what you think you want doesn't mean God isn't listening to you and wanting to give you good gifts.

God loves you. He loves to give you good gifts. He is always with you. He is for you not against you.

New Season, New Beginnings

I have come to a place in my life where I'm stepping out of my comfort zone.

The most obvious way is me being a cheerleader. Never in a million years would I have honestly seen myself as a cheerleader. Sure in high-school I had thought about being a cheerleader and deep down inside I had wanted to; but I was more focused on other sports and dedicated to other things I deemed more important. Here I am at a new school, surrounded by new students, new professors, and in the process of learning a new sport. The sport that athletes stand on the sidelines having to look perfect, and their motions tight... I'm not a fan of having all eyes on me. It's definitely a hard thing to get used to, I'm up for the challenge to say "I have never cheered before this year and look what I learned and accomplished."

Cheer-leading is one way I am stepping out of my comfort zone another would be in my personal life.

Dating this wonderful guy is a blessing but also very challenging. We are 5.5-6 hours away from each other and while we talk everyday it is still hard not being in person. You learn so much about someone when you are around them. You learn their body language, their behaviors, the look on their face when they are happy or annoyed. You learn how they react to certain situations while you're there rather than on the phone. Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful to be dating him and have him in my life, it is just a challenge. I am having to communicate more than I ever have and tell him when something is upsetting me and how I feel about this or that. I have to be the one to vocalize because he isn't here to see that I have tears in my eyes because it is hard.

Sometimes I get frustrated, I get overwhelmed with working two jobs, taking 18 hours, cheer-leading, and having a long distance relationship that I want to give up. But that would be the easy way out. Life is rough, life is tough. I know that God has put me where I am for a reason. There's a reason I'm a Missouri Baptist instead of Oral Roberts or John Brown. There's a reason I'm on the cheer-leading squad. There's a reason I'm dating my boyfriend. There's a reason that it's long distance... (for now). There's a reason I work with Alumni. There's a reason I work at the mall. There's a reason I have special talents. There's a reason for why I am on the Earth and doing what I am doing.

As hard as it is, as uncomfortable as it is, I need to realize that it is all in God's hands. That He will make a way and everything WILL work out according to His riches and glory.

For now... CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

I will take one day at a time, waking up determined to be positive, to give my day to God, truly give it to Him, and not worry about the small things.

I'm stepping out of my comfort zone, but I know that I'm growing and it is going to keep getting better.

you never forget a first love

it's been fifteen months and every now and then i catch myself thinking about him. wondering what he is doing and if he ever thinks of me. i don't really have a way to talk to him, to facebook stalk him, to see how he's doing. The only thing i have is a notification saying he's signed into skype. A notification i can't bring myself to delete, to block, to ignore. My heart starts pounding as i try to talk myself into ignoring it, into signing off of skype and doing something else.

I've talked to guys since him. I've been really interested in other guys and as much as i talk to one i still think about him. not getting back together with him, not spending the rest of my life with him, not even seeing him. i think about talking to him, just being friends. maybe looking for more closure. more comfort in knowing that he doesnt hate me or regret anything, maybe an apology.

it's hard falling, truly falling for someone and then getting everything torn out from under you, twice.

it's hard losing someone, someone you cared about, and invested so much into. it would be easier if he had died and i couldn't do anything but wish. Now I sit and wish and know that i can't do anything because he wont accept it... that's the hardest part.

what i want to do this summer

1. get a hairwrap or learn how to do them myself

2. have a paint fight

3. have a water balloon fight

4. get a ton of temporary tattoos

5. go to Busch's brewery

6. have a photoshoot

7. tie dye

8. make a scrabble ring

9. make friendship bracelets

10. work on my scrapbook

11. have my whole head in tiny little braids

12. celebrate 4th of july under the arch

13. go on a float trip

14. spend all day watching mary kate and ashley movies

my list of summer favorites

summer favorites...

1. glass of wine and girls night in

2. freshly painted fingernails

3. ted drews/fro yo

4. temporary tattoos

5. living in swimsuits

6. 70's class rock music

7. popsicles

8. shorts and t.shirts

9. barefeet- pretty barefeet

10. playgrounds

11.hairwraps

12. arnold palmers

13. driving with the windows down and the music up